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Honey- I don't know how to start this letter. I love you and I know that you love me too, but I need you to understand how I am feeling. I know that I have been fighting with you a lot lately and I am sorry, its just that I am so mad at both you and myself. I wonder what would of happened if I said that I wanted to keep our baby...I know that you would of been supportive, but I didn't want to put you through that pressure, because I know what you wanted to do. I know that you are still hurting...I just don't know why we don't talk about it. I need someone to talk to. I feel so alone at times. If I could do it all over again, I would probably tell you that I wanted to keep it. You will never know exactly how I feel, because you never carried our baby inside of you. Our baby was totally dependent on me...and I let it down. It was my final decision, and I know that I could of decided to keep it, but I didn't. I hate myself for it. I feel like now I have lost so many experiences...I will always wonder about my first baby, what she (I believe that our baby was a girl) would of looked like, what she could of became, and everything about her...I wonder where she is. He took up his brush and went tranquilly to work. Ben Rogers hove in sight presently -- the very boy, of all boys, whose ridicule he had been dreading. Ben's gait was the hop-skip-and-jump -- proof enough that his heart was light and his anticipations high. He was eating an apple, and giving a long, melodious whoop, at intervals, followed by a deep-toned ding- dong-dong, ding-dong-dong, for he was personating a steamboat. As he drew near, he slackened speed, took the middle of the street, leaned far over to star- board and rounded to ponderously and with laborious pomp and circumstance -- for he was personating the Big Missouri, and considered himself to be drawing nine feet of water. He was boat and captain and engine-bells combined, so he had to imagine himself standing on his own hurricane-deck giving the orders and executing them: I know that you have been supportive and that you are trying to understand, but I need more. I need you to be willing to talk more. You always tell me that it is not my fault and that it was our best decision...that is not what I want to hear from you...I need you just to listen to me, tell me how you feel and hold me and let me cry in arms...just like you did when I found out that I was pg. UvLY3Torxs1PwLXXZpe2wCQyhSBMhrpxFamOvVluWwhep5x1yL I love you, and I do not want this to ruin our relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I need you to listen to me more...I need your help. I love you, Christy